A quick quide to those people in my life that get the occasional mention….
db
a.k.a. db, Dad, dude
Current Age: older than you I’m sure. Well, there is a very good chance.
Current Billet: The Lads house
Weapon: Mad HTML skillz, moderately sharp chef’s knife
Weakness: Many. Please see reverse side for list
‘db’ is your honorable host and dad to the lad. I call ‘em as I see ‘em, so don’t get all pissy. Please save me a cookie.
The Lad
a.k.a dude, sir.
Current Age: 15 (holy crap! are you f’ing kidding me?)
Current Billet: my house
weapon: Cleverness
weakness: processed sugar
‘The Lad’ is as wiley as they come, but he can be a clever opponent when he is forced to be. Any mention of Ice Cream, candy, cake or cookies will send him into diabetic spasms. Good chance he is taller than you.
jSchwa
a.k.a. Capt. Pancake, rachet, the honourable jSchwa,
Current age: Younger than you
Current Billet: Lincoln, Nebraska
Weapon: Wicked fast with the bizarre uber-obese people photos and pFunny fPhotos, team of snobo monkeys
Weakness: cool cars, expensive Whiskey, a nice rack
‘jSchwa’ has the ability to completely empty a room or draw all attention from it to himself. Will drink all your whiskey unless it is under lock and key. Will unleash snobo monkeys on unsuspecting victims at will for driving a crappy car.
This space for rent
New characters being developed for w(t)f all the time. Keep checking back for new editions.
The lads Mom
(no picture available) a.k.a. - None
current age: 40
current location: far enough away to keep me happy, but close enough to visit weapon: horrendous table manners, crappy musical tastes and stealth weakness: steamed crab legs
‘The lads Mom’ can move around without making a sound, which gives the illusion she has disappeared just when she is needed. Will do anything for crab legs, just don’t watch her eat them. Will perform crappy 70’s pop songs karaoke style unexpectedly
Sis (image classified)
a.k.a: None
Current age: she’d kill me if I put that she is 2 years my junior
Current billet: house mom, SoCal
Weapon: dead horse beating, Martha Stewart-esq tendencies
Weakness: crappy white zinfandel
‘Sis’ can bust out a dinner party for 30 at a moments notice, get everyone fed then go on and complain about family until you are blue in the face.
brother-in-law (picture lost in the move)
a.k.a: bro-in-law
Current age: unknown/classified
Current billet: SoCal R/C dirt tracks
Weapon: nitro fuel, tool bucket, can drive any piece of construction equipment
Weakness: not having the latest greatest something, a nice rack
‘bro-in-law’ is equally at home on the golf range as he is behind the wheel of a Case tractor. Will crash into your garage door with his nitro powered R/C monster truck. Can drink more Coors light than should be allowed by law.
The Girls
Current age: 13 & 11
Current Billet: SoCal
Weapon: Dazzling wavy red hair, cuteness, cleverness
Weakness: TV
‘The girls’ have been tutored in crafty by ‘The Lad’ and are close to achieving his level of cleverness. Turn on a TV and they stop dead in their tracks.
Mom
a.k.a.: none
Current Age: 19 years older than her oldest child
Current Billet: Lake Mohave, NV
Weapon: Martha Stewart-esq tendencies, talk
Weakness: unknown/classified
‘Mom’ is a very serious opponent. Can make you fell like you are in trouble via telephone. Can talk endlessly about any subject and actually say nothing. There is no defense.
Dad (picture not available) a.k.a.: none
Current Age: unknown/classified
Current Billet: Lake Mohave, NV
Weapon: If it’s rechargeable battery powered, it’s in his quiver, bionic knees
Weakness: Mom
‘Dad’ can fix or build anything. He can out run a top fuel dragster when properly equiped. He’s taller than you.
